The All New Wolverine – Review of X-23

The Good:

They changed the gender and made her young. No, I don’t mean this in a pervy sort of way. I’m guessing she’s mid 20’s. She comes across someone that has a lot of life experience, but let’s be honest, probably doesn’t. This means her naïvety shows through at times. This isn’t a bad thing.

Cameos of Logan / Original Wolverine. Yeah, they are in a dream sequence and it works. He becomes a mentor and shows her how to get through things. This isn’t so bad. Like most things with comic books, there’s still another Wolverine running around. He’s from another dimension. Yeah. Really.

Breaking the fourth wall. And better than Deadpool.

There’s a part where X-23 comments that people don’t like her as the new Wolverine. Even the guys on the internet. Sure, this could have been taken as her having a public identity and known the world over. But let’s be honest here. When they introduced her

The Bad:

The newest series starts out with X-23 having to deal with clones. Then the running jokes start. “Why do they look like you?” Right. I get using a plot hook and device (I’m an author, too). Sure the other women look like X-23, but they don’t have the same powers as her. For the most part, these women have acquired Wolverine’s attitude and cranked it up three notches.

The Ugly:

Honestly, I can’t name one.

I still read this series regularly. It’s decent. Floating cameos of other Marvel property. So far, no rehashing Wolverine story lines or enemies. In fact, they’ve humanized her more. I guess this goes to the part of her naïvety. She is still learning. Good job, Marvel.

Morty

Tyger looked at the young man standing several yards in front of him. “Who the hell are you?” Pieces of fabric fluttered from his clawed hands. “Do you think you have what it takes to put me away?”

“I don’t think,” the young man said. “I do.” The peach fuzz on his upper lip moved with the small smile.

“Right,” Tyger said. “I’ve taken down Bulwark. He was solid and had ten years experience. It took me eight minutes to put him in the ICU. What chance does a kid like you have?”

“I see,” the kid said. His hips twitched followed by his legs. In an eye blink, the kid touched Tyger and curled fingers into the black and orange shirt. A body twist and the arms pulled Tyger from the wide planted feet.

Rolling with the throw, Tyger bounded to his feet. “Fast, I’ll give you that. Making that throw was lucky.”

“Not luck,” the kid said. “All skill. Lots and lots of practice.”

Tyger snorted. “Right. Lots and lots.” His hand moved quick, and a silver machete appeared. “Let’s see how you deal with weapons.” The slash went from shoulder and traveled diagonally to the hip.

The kid stepped to the outside of the slash and sent a hook punch to the lantern-jawed Tyger. Spit and blood arced to the floor. The kid’s voice carried laughter as he spoke. “Was that luck, too?”

“Fine,” Tiger said as he wiped his mouth. “You got skills, I’ll say that.” Sending a backhand swipe at the youth, he added, “But so do I. And more experience than you’ve been on this earth.”

The kid slid backward, but the edge cut across his stomach. A red line appeared as the black shirt parted from the cut. It was the heavy leather boot that knocked the kid on the ground. Like Tyger, he scrambled to his feet and ran the back of a hand across his jaw. “Touché, Tiger.” A smirk appeared on the kid’s face. “But it won’t do you any good.”

“I’m better than you,” Tyger said and lunged forward. “Just accept it and I’ll make it quick.” The kid danced to the side, and Tyger flicked his wrist. Another red line appeared on the younger man’s face.

The kid put a hand over the cut and stared wide-eyed at the color on his hand.

“You should pay attention to your opponent,” Tyger said and the thrust his machete through the abdomen of the young man. “All I need is an opening. It’s usually how I win.”

The kid put both hands on the wound as Tyger pulled out the blade. His knees buckled and his eyes closed. Folding at the waist put his face in the pavement and gravity carried him sideways.

“And that is that,” Tyger said wiping his weapon on the kid’s shirt. “I still don’t know your name.” He slid his weapon into the sheath at his belt. “But it doesn’t matter.” Turning he walked across the open space of the basketball court.

A strained voice called out. “My name is Morty.”

Tyger turned around before the gate, his hand on the custom machete at his belt. “What the…”

“Yeah,” Morty said as he shifted to his feet. “I didn’t pick it. It’s sort of a nickname.” He rolled his shoulders and then crack his neck.

The sound of metal clearing scabbard sounded and Tyger crouched into a defensive posture. “I killed you.”

“Yeah,” Morty said nodding. “You can’t.” He picked his pace up and launched into the air. Leading with his feet, he connected with Tyger’s face. The large man staggered back into the tall chainlink fence.

“What?”

“You can’t kill me,” Morty said. “I’m here for you.”

“And the bounty, I’m sure.” Tyger swung his machete at the youth.

Morty ducked and erected himself, landing an uppercut to the big chin of Tyger. “No bounty. Just a job I get paid for.”

Tyger’s head rattled the chainlink fence and he launched forward. “I ain’t going down easy.”

“Easier than you suspect,” Morty said and sidestepped the charging man. A chop to the wrist and the machete clattered to the ground and disappeared into the shadows. “The fun ones go down fighting. Or trying.”

“Shut up,” Tiger whirled around and charged with his head down.

Morty waited for the heavy man to reach him. Putting both hands on shoulders, a foot into Tyger’s gut, he dropped and rolled backward, pulling the big man with him. He maintained his grip and rolled to a mounted position. Leaning in close to Tyger’s face, Morty said, “It’s nothing personal. It’s just a job.”

“Just a job,” Tyger said. “What kind of job sends kids out to kill people?”

“Well, that’s a tough one,” Morty said. “I’ve had this job a very long time. And I’ve worked on a lot of people. I’ve been bribed, threatened, and even begged. I never take any of it. If it makes you feel better, I prefer when they fight.”

Groaning, Tyger looked into Morty’s eyes. “Why is that?”

“Exercise,” Morty said with a shrug. “I don’t get a lot of it. So when I get a superhero or villain, I take the opportunity for exercise.”

“You’re kidding,” Tyger said.

“Nope,” Morty shook his head. With a hand cocked back, he drove it hard between Tyger’s eyes. The hollow thump against the cement and Tyger went limp. “Like I said. Trying.”

Morty stood from the body. “Mors venit habitu iuvenis.” The lights of the basketball court flickered then went out. Thirty seconds later, they came back on. Tyger and Morty were nowhere to be found.

Special Delivery – The Antique

Thaddeus George shuffled into his cube. His liver-spotted hand shook as he pulled his chair from under the desk. Lowering his body, he grunted as his weight transferred to the chair. “That part’s done.” Leaning forward, his shoulders and silver hair head hunched over the keyboard. The knobby index finger of each hand poked at a key as he typed his password, then hit enter.

“Thaddeus,” Mr. Danforth said leaning into the cube where Thaddeus sat. “Shouldn’t you be retired by now?” A smile jumped to his face and morphed to a grin.

“Shut it, ya snot-nosed brat,” Thaddeus said pivoting to face the large man and smiled. “Do your parents know where you are, kid?”

“Haha,” Danforth said. “Same old lines.”

“They still work,” Thaddeus said. “I’m still capable, at least for the rest of this month.”

“Hey,” Danforth stepped into the cube. “I’ll be there to hand you your watch.” He clamped a meaty hand on Thaddeus’ shoulder. “Losing you will be a loss to us. You have a lot of knowledge up there.” He pointed to Thaddeus’ head. “Even if it is gray.”

Thaddeus smiled and said, “Don’t make me, make you, make me wanna hurt you.” Pivoting around to face the monitors, he added. “I gotta get back to work or my jerk of a boss will fire me.”

“Yeah,” Danforth said with a wave as he left the cube. “That guy is a jerk. Trust me, I know.”

Thaddeus chuckled to himself and glanced at the picture pinned to his cube wall. Danforth, with hair, was pumping on the chest of a man in a superhero uniform. To the side, a younger looking Thaddeus was wrapping a bandage around the arm of a woman with glowing eyes. The faint, translucent gray of a forcefield showed in the background, just above the shoebox-sized device generating it.

A double beep pulled Thaddeus’ attention. “Hmmm…Sprite.” Tapping the screen, a picture of a girl appeared. A dusting of freckles spread from under her lavender mask. “Sheesh. They’re getting younger and younger.” Cutting his eyes back to the medical readouts, he arched an eyebrow. “Yeah, better get going on this one. She doesn’t know when to get out of there.”

Thaddeus pushed his hands down on the table, and his knees wobbled as he stood. He moved the chair and walked from his cube. Leaning against the walls, he wound his way to the end of the row and stepped to the elevator. His wrist panel beeped three times. “Yeah, yeah, yeah.” Using his other hand he tapped the surface. “Senior EMT Thaddeus George responding to call dealing with Sprite.”

“Noted, Mr. George,” the electronic female voice said in his earbud. “Be safe out there. We’re looking forward to your party.”

The metal doors slid open and Thaddeus tottered in. Leaning on the rail, he muttered, “Everyone is, except me.” A gnarled finger pressed the button for the garage. Both hands gripped the rail as the elevator sped up toward the ground floor. The ding sounded, and the elevator slowed to a stop. Both doors slid open and Thaddeus staggered from the metal room. “I hate that thing.”

“We got the crossover ready for you,” a young technician said as Thaddeus walked toward the bay of vehicles. “Knock it out of the park.” The technician put a firm tap on Thaddeus’ shoulder.

Thaddeus jerked and a corner of his lips twitched. “Thanks, kid. I needed that.” Yanking the driver door open, he slid in and touched the ignition button, making the red and white vehicle roar. Next came the lights and siren buttons. Touching his wrist panel, Thaddeus shouted, “Dispatch, EMT George rolling to scene.”

“Understood, EMT George,” the familiar female voice said over the earbud.

Thaddeus shifted the transport to drive and pushed the accelerator. The car lurched forward and swerved at the end of the driveway.

Holding onto the steering wheel, Thaddeus followed the directions on the readout. He swerved around traffic and blew through intersections with red lights. At the turn before the destination, he turned sharp and rolled over the curb and onto the sidewalk. A quick yank on the wheel and he righted the vehicle on the road.

Screeching to a halt outside of the art museum, he tapped the button to open the back. Sliding from the front seat, he jogged to the back. Using his momentum, he pulled the gurney from the storage compartment. With quick steps, he hustled toward the lump on the ground forty feet away.

“Old man,” a voice called. “Where do you think you’re going?”

Thaddeus rolled his head to find the voice but didn’t stop moving. “Picking up my patient.”

A shimmer appeared and solidified into a smoke-gray uniformed person. The large, bulky shoulders were topped with an elongated head. A granite colored point protruded from the forehead. Thick arms crossed over the chest and planted feet held the person in front of Thaddeus. “No. She ain’t dead. But she will tell me what I want to know.”

Thaddeus stopped short and let the gurney bump into his backside. “I’m just an EMT doing my job. This ain’t personal, son.”

“Exactly,” the large, oddly shaped man said. “This ain’t personal. She has information I need and she will give it.”

Holding a hand out, Thaddeus patted one of the rocky shoulders. “How about you follow me to the hospital? You can talk to her when she comes to.” He stepped to the side and pulled the gurney with him.

A heavy hand planted on Thaddeus’s flat chest and pushed. “I said no.”

Staggering back a pace, Thaddeus braced against the rolling bed. His lips twitched as his shoulders straightened. “You’re going to begrudge an old man from saving a little girl?” He tossed a hand forward and pointed a finger at the downed form. “You truly are evil.”

“You damn skippy, I am,” the large man said. “The word’s going to get out how evil Granite is, and then I’ll get the respect I deserve.” A wide finger poked Thaddeus twice in the chest. “And don’t you forget it.”

Thaddeus smiled as the hand pulled back from him. He cocked an eyebrow as his chest expanded and his posture straightened.

“What the hell?” Granite rolled his eyes over Thaddeus’s features. “You had a full head of gray. Now it’s got black in it.” He shook his head and put a hand on the EMT’s shoulder. His fingers made a grinding noise as he squeezed. “It don’t matter. I can wait until she’s willing to talk.” He tossed the other thumb over his shoulder.

Thaddeus turned his eyes to the hand gripping his shoulder. He felt his lips tightened and the skin around his eyes shift. Wrinkles disappeared and his eyes brightened. The white drained from his hair and was replaced by midnight black, except around the temples. His shoulder grew bigger as did his arms and legs. “Son,” Thaddeus said. “I think you better let me through to that little girl there.”

Granite’s face faltered as he looked closer at the EMT’s features. “Your hair is almost all black now. What the hell are you?” He pulled his hand back from the shoulder he was failing to crush.

“No harm, no foul,” Thaddeus said and stepped to the side again. “Just let me through.”

“I can’t do that, mister,” Granite said. “Step back or I’ll have to hurt you.”

“Figures,” the EMT said. “If you’ll hit a little girl, you’ll hit an old man.”

“Stop calling her a little girl,” Granite said. “She’s like thirty or something.”

“If you say so, son,” Thaddeus said and stepped to a side again.

“That’s it, old man,” Granite said. “You made me do this.” His hand moved in a fluid motion and slapped Thaddeus across the cheek.

Thaddeus’s head jerked to the side from the blow. Righting his gaze he looked at the masked face of Granite and smiled.

Granite’s mouth fell open as he saw the wrinkles disappear with the remainder of the white from the EMT’s hair. The sparkle in the medic’s eye showed bright and true. His entire body increased in muscle tone and filled the tight outfit he wore. Forty years vanished from the old man’s face and other features in three seconds. “Who the fuck are you?”

“I’m an EMT doing his job,” Thaddeus said. He lowered his voice and leaned in close to Granite. “Now, either let me pass, or I’ll put on the other gurney.”

“Fuck you, old man.” Granite cocked a fist back and sent it forward.

Without flinching, Thaddeus smiled and remained still. The heavy fist connected, smearing his nose to one side and grinding his teeth upon impact.

When the fist was pulled back, there was no mark of the hit. Thaddeus laughed. “My turn.” His hand darted up, then down on the shoulder of Granite. A loud crack sounded followed by a scream. The blur of a backhand smacked across Granite’s face, turning his head. A leg dashed out and connected below the knee of Granite, bending the leg at an odd angle. Granite dropped to the cement, screaming as he fell.

Thaddeus dashed to the fallen hero and scooped her up into his large hands. “Gotcha,” he said and moved her to the gurney and strapped her in place. Running at a dead sprint, he dashed the rolling bed to the vehicle and secured it in the back of his vehicle. He pulled the second gurney and repeated the process for the loud rock man. “For someone made of stone and working at being evil, you scream like a little girl.” He reached into a drawer and pulled out a bandage. Taking the paper backing off, he slapped it on the stomach area of Granite. “This is for the pain you’re causing our ears.” He closed the doors then vaulted over the vehicle and jumped behind the steering wheel.

It took no time for Thaddeus to drop off his patients. He filled out the paperwork for the capture of Granite and handed the clipboard to the officer. Speeding back to Special Delivery, he parked his vehicle and ran up the stairs. Busting through the door he ran into Danforth and another woman.

She stared at Thaddeus. “Wow!” She leaned in close to Danforth and whispered, “Who’s that hunk of fun?”

Chuckling, Danforth waved at Thaddeus who walked away. “Do you remember about forty years ago the hero called Shift?”

“Barely,” the woman said, craning her head to watch Thaddeus walk away. “I was like five when he retired.”

“Yeah,” Danforth said. “He did retire. From the hero biz. He became an EMT and worked for a start-up company called Hero Aid.”

“Isn’t that the original name for us?”

“Yup.” Danforth nodded and walked toward the offices. “That was him. He retires again at the end of this month.”

“Wait?” The woman reached a hand out to stop Danforth. “That was Shift? He should be like seventy or something.”

“Eighty-two,” Danforth said. “And looks damn good.”